The Winter in Her Heart
by ncfan
Summary: Soon all will be able to see it. /A soft wind blows, sending the snow flurries like feathers./ Hints of KakaRin.


In which implications abound.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

The stark sunlight reflecting off of the snow throws reflections of light all around the sky and every smooth surface, arcs of light that sparkle and shimmer and waver like chimeras in the desert sun.

Naruto plays in the snow, and Rin watches. She watches, as she has for two years. Naruto is a playful child; it is the first time he's seen snow, and he is savoring the moment and a new experience as he always does.

The field is covered in a woolly blanket snow. Rin sits on the bench alone, her black-gloved hands folded over her knees, her gray scarf hanging over her shoulders (it does not flutter because there is no wind). There's no one around, and the little pedestrian road, made of thin fading asphalt seems to go on forever. If Rin didn't know any better, she'd say that she and the little toddler making doodles in the snow were the last people on earth.

Apart from her scarf and her gloves, Rin wears no clothes that shield her from the winter apart from a light jacket, black. It hasn't snowed in Konoha in a decade; Rin highly doubts that anyone possesses the protective clothing sufficient to reasonably shield bodies from the elements of this kind. Besides…

_I don't feel the cold anymore._

Naruto does not notice her increasing listlessness; he is just a toddler, with a toddler's ignorance and a toddler's bliss. It is enchanting, and reassuring. Rin smiles gently as Naruto steps unsteadily, his brilliant blue eyes sparkling as totters around, his head craned upwards and his tongue stuck out so he can catch snowflakes on his tongue. Rin tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, disturbing the snowflakes resting comfortably on her slightly unkempt hair (_she simply can not arrange her hair neatly anymore_), sending them flying from her thick brown hair to the ground below.

No one is quite sure why Rin of all people volunteered to watch over Naruto—_Especially considering…_—but those people are even more shocked that she seems to enjoy what nearly all others consider an intolerantly odious task.

She hears the whispers (_Why would she want to…That thing killed her sensei… Did you hear…It's chakra poisoning alright_) and she doesn't listen. The moment Rin first laid eyes on Naruto, prying him out of her arms became a task of monumental proportions.

_Kakashi winces as a blazing fireball of debris flies screaming past them, landing on the other side of the wide street. It is night, though no one would know that for the fires raging in Konoha. People are screaming, screaming bloody murder for the fox to show mercy. People are howling, howling for the pain to just stop. People are wailing, wailing for lost loved ones and the loss of friends, arms and homes._

"_Come on Rin, just a little further," he whispers hoarsely, feeling blood seep through his clothes. The air is thick with noxious chakra, and he feels his lungs start to constrict._

_Rin is slipping into unconsciousness; she's gasping, trying to heal the long, crimson chakra burns that glow like embers, shifting and expanding on her body. She cries out and the arm she has snaked around Kakashi's shoulder tightens._

"_Oh, screw this," Kakashi mutters, seeing a slab of stone draped at an angle across a building. "Let's go under there."_

"_Kay, kay," Rin whispers, slumping over and letting Kakashi push her under the slab. He looks up, and the last thing he sees before crawling under with her is the vicious face of the nine-tailed bijū, snarling and fixing the village in a gaze that promises murder._

_--_

_Three hours later, things start to get quiet, and Rin is showing a little more life. Kakashi risks stepping out from behind the slab. "I think it's gone."_

_Rin frowns, dazedly pushing herself up off of the ground._

_Kakashi grimaces behind his mask, surveying the damage with heavy eyes. His hitai-ate was lost somewhere in the chaos and utter hell that shook Konoha. It must be at least two in the morning, maybe even three._

_A sound alerts him. "Rin!" Kakashi is at her side immediately, catching her around the waist before she falls._

_Rin gasps breathlessly; she feels as though there is a thousand-ton weight on her chest. She looks up, and is met with the swirling tomoes of Kakashi's Sharingan eye._

"_I think we won," she whispers. Through the mind-numbing pain shooting in her chest, she smiles, blood seeping from her mouth._

"_I think so." The cloth of Kakashi's mask shifts, and he might be smiling._

_Rin frowns; the chunin's just remembered something. "Do you think…Kushina's had her baby?"_

"_Yeah, maybe. Let's head over to the ANBU compound and find out."_

_It's slow going to the ANBU compound. They stumble, because of Rin's weakness and Kakashi's unsteady legs. All the while, Rin's chakra burns are growing darker._

_As they get closer to the compound, they hear something that fills them with foreboding. _

"_No! No! Please, no!" A woman's demented screams fill their ears._

"_That's Kushina." Rin's eyes widen in fear._

"_Yeah, it is." They do their best to get to the compound more quickly. The door to Kushina's apartment is open._

"_Kushina?" Kakashi calls. He pushes open the door wider._

_He gasps. Rin raises her head. "What is it?"_

_She screams in agony, because at that exact moment Kakashi unceremoniously drops her. "Kakashi! What the hell?!"_

_Rin crawls into the apartment, and she knows what all the screaming is about._

_Kushina is on the floor, in a pool of blood, her long hair spread out like a scarlet lily. Rin sees nothing but that and crawls over to where the older woman lies. "There's no pulse," Rin whispers sadly, raising to fingers to close Kushina's violet-gray eyes. "Kakashi…where's the baby? Kakashi?"_

_A hoarse voice meets her ears. And it's not Kakashi. "Take care of him, Kakashi. He's a hero."_

The nearly sixteen-year-old feels tears dry at the source before they can free themselves from her eyes. Rin hasn't cried for five months; she isn't about to start now.

The wind bites into her face, and Rin shivers, but she doesn't feel the cold.

These days, all she can do is watch Naruto. In the beginning, she could protect him, fend off attackers and actively defend him, but now it's all she can do to keep her eyes open.

"Rin?" A sad voice reaches her ears. She looks up, and…

"Kakashi!" Rin smiles softly, her voice hushed so as not to disturb Naruto at his play. He looks much the same; he's discarded his hitai-ate, and both of his eyes are visible. They stare at her unhappily. "Sit down."

The silver-haired boy does, staring at Naruto. "How's he doing?"

"Fine, fine." She frowns a little bit, her brow furrowing. "He's a little slow to develop mentally; he hasn't spoken too many words. Do you think maybe the fox…" She trails off, seeing the pain rise in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

He waves his hand. "No, don't be." Kakashi flinches a little bit, his hands twitching in his lap. "I doubt the Kyuubi is in any way hindering his mental development. But…has there been any…incidents? Has the Kyuubi tries to influence him in any way?"

Rin shakes her head vigorously. "No, of course not. Naruto is just a happy, normal two-year-old." Her eyes follow the toddler. She only has eyes for Naruto now; her crush on Kakashi's now long dead.

Naruto's cries reach her ears. "Neechan!" he cries. "Neechan!"

Rin tries to get to her feet. "What is it, Naruto?" she half-shouts, her voice rising in worry.

"Is snow always so cold?!"

She smiles in relief. "Yes, Naruto, it is." She slumps back down onto the bench, her legs feeling like water.

The worry in Kakashi's eyes is deeper when she looks back at him. He can not deny what he has seen; the way Rin's legs shake when she stands and the stutter of her heartbeat. When she sits by him he can't be blind to the deep circles like bruises, or the waxen pallor in her sunken cheeks, pervasive despite her royal purple facial tattoos (Kakashi has always wondered where she got them from; as far as he knows, Rin isn't a member of any clan, but then, he doesn't know anything about Rin's origins; she's a war orphan who was found on the border between the Fire and Earth countries as a toddler).

"How are you holding up?" he asks quietly, his hand searching out and finding her shoulder. "You missed the New Year's party yesterday."

The kunoichi smiles softly, her thin lips quirking. "I wasn't going to leave Naruto alone again; it took all of my healing abilities to help him. And I don't feel pain anymore when I breathe."

"That's good, good." Kakashi is not reassured; she can see his soul strumming with anguish and guilt. "Rin, I…" His voice throbs with pain.

She lays a hand over his. The snow continues to fall softly, settling on their clothes. "Kakashi, don't worry about me. There's been enough pain already."

He looks down, his eyes obsessively staring at the black leather encasing her hand. "You are the bravest person I have ever met," he murmurs. "I'm sorry, Rin; I have to go back on duty."

"Alright, alright." She smiles weakly. "I suppose I'll see you…when I see you." Rin sighs and looks away when he stands to leave. She knows as well as he what might happen between you and "when I see you".

A wind starts to blow; the snow flurries flutter around like feathers. Naruto laughs uproariously; crystal forms on Rin's cheeks.

Kakashi walks about ten feet. "Rin… You'll be alright, I swear. You'll be alright."

She hears the words he isn't speaking; she hears the unspoken more often now than she ever did. _I'm sorry I failed you, just like everyone else._

She laughs and shakes her head, staring in fascination at the falling snow. "I'll tell Obito you said hello, Kakashi."

He whips around, and when Kakashi feels saline dampness hit his mask from Obito's Sharingan eye, he doesn't know why. He doesn't know why his eye isn't slipping tears with it.

Rin smiles and watches Naruto as he plays. She starts to feel the cold again, settle deep in her bones like a second skin. Her eyes grow heavy; she feels tired often now.

There is something Kakashi won't accept, something Rin knows he won't accept until the end. Rin knows something he doesn't. She knows that winter has gripped her heart and body and mind. And she knows that soon everyone will see the winter in her heart.


End file.
